The Way Things Used To Be
by One-Eyed-Wannabe
Summary: Xander remembers a slayer before Buffy. AU Feedback please!One peice Added disclaimer


The Way Things Used To Be

Willow says life changed when Buffy came to town. Maybe for her, but me? No. Life changed in the way she means about a week after my 13th birthday. My dad had beaten me up yet again, I was sick of it. I couldn't let him keep on doing this to me. It was ruining my life. Maybe if I had parents who actually cared what happened to me I would get better grades. Maybe if they didn't drink so goddamn much I wouldn't have so many scars. Maybe I would've gotten more than a pair of socks for Christmas. Maybe I could've invited Wills round more. Maybe I wouldn't have had to sleep outside every time my relatives showed. Maybe my first word wouldn't have been "Fuck" or some other swear word. Maybe they'd have taken me and Jesse places. Maybe mom would've baked on Sundays. Guess I'll never know now.

I was sick of being blamed for everything- even when it wasn't my fault. I did the stupidest thing you can do in Sunnydale- I went to live on the streets. The first couple of days were alright. But then I couldn't be seen. Posters with me on them and "MISSING- ALEXANDER HARRIS" in Willow's or Jesse's writing kept appearing everywhere. I began having to eat from trash cans. I was starting to become really skinny. One night I went to see if there was anything edible down the ally of the fish tank. Big mistake. That was when I saw my first vamp. He had bleached blond hair spiked up with greasy looking hair gel. Like most vamps, he was dressed in black leather. Blondie dropped the corpse on the hard wet stinking ground and turned to leave. That was when he saw me. "Hey junior- isn't it a bit late for you to be out?" Blondie drawled cockily, grinning cruelly, blood dripped down his chin staining his T-shirt crimson. My jaw dropped when I saw his face. The deformed brow, the glowing yellow eyes, the sharpened fangs inside his hideous mouth- I saw it all, and it scared the hell out of me. As he stepped towards me I did the only thing I could think of. I screamed.

"HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!!" I was patrolling round Docktown when I heard the terrified cry. I was only a block away so I got to the source of the scream in just a few seconds. I ran down the ally and saw the vamp biting down into a dark haired kid's neck. His puppy dog eyes were wide with fear and is chocolate brown hair was matted, greasy and sticking up. He was obvious eye-candy even with all the muck coating his face. I shook myself hard. "Stop gawking and do your job!" I scolded myself. I ran forward and drove my stake home. The kid fell choking onto the muddy ground. "Are you alright?" I asked him. He looked up at me and asked the thing I'd hoped he wouldn't.

"W-what was that thing?" I asked my savoir shakily. I looked her over. She had grey/blue eyes, rosy cheeks and shining golden blonde hair. Her face was streaked with dirt but she was still really pretty. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she stated bluntly. I gave her a lopsided grin.

"Try me," those were the words that changed my life forever. She fidgeted as if working out if she should tell me or not. "I-it was a-a… vampire?" The vampire wasn't a question, just if I believed her. I could tell she was being serious, my neck was proof enough. "Oh" I managed to say. She held out her hand and helped me up.

"You want me to walk you home?" she asked nervously.

Did I just say THAT? I thought to myself. "Yeah… well… I uh kinda… sorta don't have a home," the kid muttered unhappily. It was then that I recognized him from the posters that were hung all over town. "OH MY GOD!" I cried "Your Alexander Harris- aren't you?" I added uncertainty.

"Xander," he corrected me, pulling a face at the sound of his full name. I nodded.

"Well your going home now," I told him, "It's not safe out here." He snorted.

"I noticed," he stated dumbly.

"Ill walk you," I wanted to know he did go. I don't know why but I kinda liked him.

Has we turned down the corner to my street I realized I didn't know her name. I knew she was the Slayer, her Watcher was called Merrick. I swallowed as I considered the best way to ask. "So… er… watcha name?" As soon as I realized just how stupid the words that had escaped my mouth sounded I ducked my head and blushed. To my relief she smiled, "Cat" she told me pushing her perfect hair out of her perfect face. "Cool" I said smiling back. We stopped outside my house. "Well, this is my stop," I informed her "See you around?"

"Maybe" she told me. I felt disappointment I hadn't expected. I knew it was a no and I really liked Cat despite I had known her less than an hour.

I hated myself for allowing this guy to get to know me then never see him again. I could tell from his face and the way he walked up his drive like he had his tail between his legs that had understood what was behind my words and was hurt. Has I turned my back and began my walk home I chewed my lip and tried not to cry.

A few nights later I was sitting on a grave stone sharpening a stake. Things were quiet so when I heard something directly behind me I was caught of guard. I yelled tried to shove the stake home. It was fortunate I didn't though I would've been a murderer.

"Normally welcome people in that way?" I asked exhaling. She looked at me in embarrassed way. "Xander, I'm soooooooooo sorry" she said slightly nervous. I sighed. "Look Cat, I'm fine. You didn't make bloody Xander," the lame joke made Cat even more upset. The next few minutes were made up of much yelling and bad words. I'm not sure how but we somehow ended up crying in each others arms. Even after the tears stopped flowing we sat there in the mud just holding each other. It was comforting and I knew Cat was my friend at least and we would see each other again soon.

The next month passed so fast the days melted into each other. Patrol became a regular thing for me and Xander. He was a fast learner when he wanted; he soon learned how to effectively defend himself against vampires and hardly ever missed the heart. I was proud of him. He was a great guy with a great personality. My crush grew bigger with each day, it wasn't just his looks anymore it was everything about him. He was a year younger than me but all the same I felt sure I was falling in love. When I told Merrick about this he told me this was bad for a Slayer to have these feelings and I should stop meeting up with Xander. I knew he was wrong. It was making me better than I ever had been at my job.

One night in November I was sitting on a bench with Xander. Thanks to my Slayer senses I could tell he was nervous about something. I almost asked him what it was but decided if he wanted to tell me he would. As usual when midnight came we hugged goodbye. But it was already different from our normal goodbye. When we pulled back he placed his hand on my cheek and pushed his warm, soft lips against mine. I was stunned at first but after a second I felt a joy I'd never felt before rise up in me and kissed me back hungrily.

At first I thought she wouldn't respond, but then her sweet, sweet lips pressed against mine in response. Id never felt anything so good in my life. This beat those sloppy make out sessions with Willow when we were five by miles. Id never felt so pleased that Willow had broken up with me for stealing her Barbie. At last I reluctantly pulled back from those adorable pouty lips and rubbed my hand along her smooth petal like cheeks one last time. I took a breath and asked the question I'd wanted to since I'd first set eyes on her. She was smiling this adorably shy smile on her face. I was certain this was love. "Cat, will… er… will you go out with me?" Her smile grew so big I felt sure her face would tear if she smiled any bigger. She pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "Yes! God yes! Of course I will!" she squealed.

I'd never been so happy before in my entire life. I knew in that moment that I would never be in love with anyone ever again. Crushes yes, love someone yes, but I knew I could never be in love with anyone ever again.

I was so out of it that all I can remember is thinking he likes me, he likes me, he likes me over and over in my head then dreaming of his warm embrace his soft lips, his goofy grin, his puppy dog eyes, his voice- everything. My whole life I'd never been in love with anyone else.

I was woken the next day by the phone ringing. "Hello?" I mumbled sleepily. "You were meant to meet me 2 hours ago!" Merrick snapped.

"Huh? What time is it?" I asked dazed.

"1:00" Merrick replied angrily.

"Really?" I asked shocked.

"Really. You've become unreliable ever since you met that boy!" Merrick yelled.

"No! You're wrong!" I screamed and slammed the phone down. I had to prove Merrick wrong. I just had to. Angrily I wiped at the silent tears that were trickling down my face.

The time flew by and before I knew it, it was December 25th. Me and Cat were sitting in her tacky motel room talking about the latest slayage in town. "So Merry Christmas!" I exclaimed happily, handing her my gift excitedly. She grinned and kissed me. "Aww, Xan," she said softly. She carefully peeled off the wrapping and opened the box inside. I smiled as she gasped happily at the solid gold cross necklace inside. "Xander, it's beautiful," she breathed.

"Read the inscription on the other side!" I yelled in excitement. She gently turned the cross over; "Dearest Cat, may this keep you safe always Love Xander," she read aloud. "Oh Xan, my gifts never gonna live up to yours," she sighed and handed it over. I opened it excitedly. "Holy shit! The Star Wars Trilogy VHS collection signed by George Lucus! How did you get this?" I cried happily startling Cat who had just put my gift round her neck. "That would be telling," she replied pulling me into a deep kiss.

A week till Valentines Day. As of every night I was trying to prove Merrick wrong. I was worried about Xander 'cause he was 10 minutes late. Xander was never even a minute late let alone 10. As it was a wrapped up in a fight with five vampires I managed to stake three of them. I was about to kill a fourth when his friend, a blonde headed bitch, grabbed me from behind. I cried out as she bit deep into my neck, I was growing weaker with every sip she took. Then it was gone, and I was sprawled on the floor. "You alright?" Xander asked nervously.

"Call 911," I told him weakly handing him my cell. He nodded and did as requested. "Your not gonna die are you?" he sobbed kneeling next to me.

"Maybe," I answered honestly.

"But you can't!" He cried.

"I can die Xander I'm dying now," It ripped me up inside to tell him these cold truths, but somebody had to. "But you're the slayer," whimpered poor, venerable Xan.

"That doesn't mean I can't die," I realized now that despite all he had been through he was only just beginning to realize the reality of it all. "I love you," He whispered softly, realizing I only had a few seconds of life left. "I love you too," I answered. We stared into each others eyes, I watched as Xander grew fainter and fainter then disappeared as all went to nothing.

There were only two people at her funeral; me and Merrick. We remained silent until the priest guy went away, then Merrick spoke. "You know it was your fault she died don't you?" he asked coldly. Despite how harsh the statement was I knew it was true, she was probably distracted wondering where I was. "Yes," I whispered sadly. "Good," Merrick grunted.

"Where will you go now?" I asked. There is another slayer know. I am to go back to England and await my next charge," he informed me. With that he turned and walked away. The strange thing was he seemed to disappear. "I'm sorry, our games turned us to this," I whispered. In my head I began to believe vampires weren't real.

This belief continued until Buffy. It has been five years since she died yet I have never forgotten to visit her grave weekly. It's been a year since Jesse died. He has a grave now, I visit that weekly too. But I like her grave best. If I can I'll visit it more than once weekly. I m here now tracing the letters etched into the stone with all the love of my heart;

Catherine Amy Patterson

1980-1993

Born a hero, lived a hero's life,

Died a hero

R.I.P


End file.
